Me-Time.

I've been thinking lately about "me-time."
Mostly, about what it has come to mean to me.

I don't really know.

A couple years ago, pre-marriage and pre-kids, if someone had asked me what I do in my free time, I think I would have talked about things like playing the piano, writing songs, writing poetry, (writing, period), running, playing with friends, having a bubble bath, reading a good book, watching a really worthwhile movie, going hiking, taking pictures, yaddy yaddy yadda. Hobbies, basically. Good things. Enriching things. Enjoyable things.

I took a quick inventory of my time to see how much I get to do those things now.

I panicked!

Oh NO, I hardly get the time to do any of these any more, I must be LOSING MYSELF!!!
That's what that must mean, right?
Well...at least I felt like I should be panicking. I initially felt some mild concern. Some things I really should be taking a little time for, like keeping up musical talents. But I was mostly just surprised by the fact that I didn't really feel like I was missing out. I didn't feel like I was less fulfilled because I hadn't soaked in bubbles lately.

I thought it interesting. And so I've continued to think about it as I've washed dishes.
(I do that a lot. Wash dishes, I mean. No dishwasher around here except for me. Awesome.)

I thought about the things that make me feel great. Like, really great. And I've since come to the conclusion that I have become an incredibly boring person. The things that came to mind were things like "declutter a closet: so rejuvenating!" or "make a room beautiful, decor-wise, using what I already have in new and creative ways" or "cook up an incredibly delicious, incredibly nutritious meal that makes even my hubby want to eat his vegetables."

See? Boring, right?

I may be a hopeless case. But I don't see this getting any better any time soon. I'm doomed.

Though...I'm hoping there's a perfectly acceptable explanation. Maybe? Somewhere. I'm hoping that it means that my hobbies have evolved to include new-found interests and sought-after skills. I'm hoping it means that I'm learning to really enjoy my work. I'm hoping that it means that I'm learning that making a home is not a far-off final destination, where the price is wading through mirthless duties...but a process, where the purpose is in the sweetness of the journey. I'm hoping it means I'm deepening and maturing...not flatlining....beeeeeeeeeeeep.

Because, really: who's definition of doing something for me means doing the dishes in the sink so that I'll wake up to a bright, clean kitchen the next morning?

(Sssh. Don't tell anyone that a clean kitchen makes me happy. They might get the wrong idea. I'm so much more exciting than that.... Hey, why are you laughing?)

That's it. I'm going to take a bubble bath. While thinking up different ways I can rearrange the kids' bedroom furniture.

You Make Me Smile.

Pictures of my cuties.
And of my pecan caramel cheesecake experiment.

And a couple of Thing 1 and Thing 2 together that make me laugh.

'Tis My Season, Two Thousand 11.

I know there's a growing trend to hop on the anti-resolutions train.

But I just can't do it.

I love fresh starts. And although you can do that any time of year, I'm definitely not opposed to doing so at any given moment, even ones that seem cliche or obvious. New Year? I'm on it. New School Year? It's a new me, baby. New Day? That, too.

Last year (SO long ago.), I was listening to The Mormon Channel whilst going about my business around the house. The program at the time was an interview with a particular church leader and his wife, just chatting with them and getting to know them. During the conversation, the Sister was sharing her thoughts on being a wife and mother, and woman in the church in general. She talked about how she felt that women had different seasons in their lives...seasons with no children, then with small children, then teenagers, then an empty nest...for example. Her and her hubby were empty nesters at this point...and she reflected on the times as a young mother with small children when she would be chasing them around church on Sunday, trying to keep them quiet, getting nothing out of the meetings. And she would think to herself sometimes, battle weary and frazzled, what the point of even going to church was! All she did was chase kids around! Then came the seasons thing. She realized that there are times in our lives meant for different things. This particular time in her life was not necessarily for all of the things she thought she "should" be doing...to be reading lesson manuals cover to cover, studying all her lessons ahead of time, etc. etc....but that this was the season in her life for teaching. Teaching her kids. That she may not be getting a ton out of church meetings, but that wasn't the point for her then. She was there. And she was showing her kids that it was important to be there. And she was teaching them a love for worshiping the Lord, and giving the Sabbath day to Him.  
Now, she says, she has the time to be reading her manuals and learning and studying and dedicating large amounts of time to serving others outside her family. Because now is that season in her life.

I would love to be starting my own little business. Maybe a party-planning business. Or grocery shopping service. I would love to be creating all sorts of projects. I would love to be sewing more and volunteering in the community, starting up a book club, and going to Law School. I would love to be learning how to speak another language. I would love to be traveling overseas and living with other cultures for months at a time. I would love to be singing and dancing on a stage. I would love to be going on week-long backpacking trips several times a summer, hiking the highest mountains, and diving the deepest seas.

But now is not necessarily the season in my life for those things. Maybe I'll get to do a few of them here and there over the next little bit. And it would be great! But it's not the time in my life to be making those things my priority, my numero uno's.

For the next little while, at least...it's the season in my life to be learning the business of how to run my home and family like a well-oiled, kind of goofy, machine. It's the time to be organizing my kids' birthday parties, and family parties just-because. It's the time to enjoy grocery shopping just for us, planning healthy and delicious meals. It's my time to be making some wicked egg carton caterpillars and fingerpainting-with-pudding masterpieces. It's the time to be fixing a button here and there...(because that's the extent of my sewing skills at the moment)...and volunteering in my community's school...in my kids' classrooms. It's my time to be brushing up on my Eric Carle and Dora the Explorer books, and sharpening my debating and reasoning skills to prepare for having teenagers. It's my time to be learning toddler-talk, and becoming fluent in the love languages of each of my kids...and hubby, of course. It's the time to be learning about other cultures with my kids...teaching them about the world out there and how to be aware, empathetic, and compassionate and a true friend. It's my time to be making up plays about talking animals and teaching my kids funny new songs, ...and introducing my kids to my favourite musicals. It's my time to enjoy some camping trips that are small-kid friendly...short, safe, and full of crazy memories.

And just for now, those all sound so much better to me. Those other things can wait. This time in my life can't...or it will be gone. I don't want to lose this time to wishing it were over already, or anxious to move on or do something different, or try to cram less-important things into the time that belongs to my babies. Of course, that's easy to say...harder to remember.
I'll just need frequent reminders to myself when I'm tempted to think or act otherwise. Anyone up for the job of Reminder-er?

And so the inspiration for my resolutions this year: simplification and focus. The overarching themes are:

Myself: 

   Spiritual

   Physical

   Talents

My Kids: 

   Teach

   Love

   Laugh

My Relationships: 

   My Hubby

   My Family

   My Friends

That frame makes the reference point for more specific and measurable goals like "working out three times a week" and "sending birthday cards out to family and friends" and "have direct teaching time with kids every day working on a new skill" and yaddy yaddy yadda....but the specific goals will change and evolve throughout the year....I just felt like I needed a framework to keep centred when setting specific goals throughout the year....and not get carried away with things like "modge podge ten things in my house in one day." Though that is an honorable goal.......baha.

And now I'm accountable, to the invisible "you."

I'm feeling good about this year. I'm making it mine! Boo-ya.
After all, 11 is my favourite number...

Currently Obsessed...

...with this song.



Thanks to D-Bro for introducing me to it. This song and I have been seeing a lot of each other lately and haven't even gotten a little bit sick of it yet. Not even a little bit.

Also: this video makes me miss summer.

Sometimes.

Sometimes I love the snow. Like when it makes the night not so dark because it's bouncing light around. And when it falls in huge fluffy flakes, each its own little cloud.  And when it's fresh and clean and white and just...sigh-beautiful.
And sometimes I don't like the snow at all. Like when it takes my warmth without asking.

Sometimes I wear high heels in the kitchen, just so I can reach the top shelf of the cupboards.

Sometimes I feel like my thoughts have too big of an audience, that too many people can hear me thinking. That my brain is too loud. And too transparent. Sometimes I love being see-through.
And sometimes I feel like no one is listening at all. And that I'm opaque and so so quiet. Sometimes, when I feel like a secret, I'm sure I'm fooling myself. And sometimes I don't care. Sometimes I'd rather feel mysterious.

Sometimes I have an endless list of people I can turn to. I feel loved and snuggled and safe inside. I am watched. I am taken care of.
And sometimes I'm the sock behind the drier: forgotten...and a little dusty.

Sometimes I don't wear makeup in public to make sure I still can. To make sure that I'm not taking myself too seriously. To give people a clean face to look at that is not trying to be anything other than what it is.

Sometimes I don't brush my teeth before bed. Gag.

Sometimes I have the best reason to write a song, and it wants to jump out of me. And usually those songs should never be heard by anyone but me. Pain and discomfort are, unfortunately, incredibly inspiring.

Sometimes I get dressed for myself. Sometimes I get dressed for my hubby. Sometimes I just stay in my pyjamas. And sometimes, when no one is home, I'll spend a half an hour or so in nothing at all, just to say that I did.

Sometimes I wish I was famous. Like, singing and dancing famous.

Sometimes I want to talk in an English accent to strangers.

Sometimes I want to introduce myself to everyone in Wal-Mart. I want to hear their stories. And I want to be friends with every single one of them. And give them a hug. And sometimes I just want to move through the crowd invisible and unstopped. Sometimes I wish the checkout lady won't want a conversation.

Sometimes I live in a fairy tale, better than I could have imagined.
Sometimes I wish I lived in a fairy tale.

Sometimes I love sleep. And sometimes I am a little scared of it. Sometimes I think I can make the next day hold off, and time slow down, if I just avoid my pillow.

Sometimes I sing in the car. Really, really loud.

Sometimes I re-live the glory days. Sometimes these are my glory days.

Sometimes I laugh at my own jokes. I may laugh at my jokes all the time.

Sometimes I miss my old dreams. Most of the time I prefer my new ones.

And sometimes...I pretend no one, and everyone, can hear me at the same time. I can say anything I want if both are there to ignore or applaud me.

Aujourd'hui.

Yesterday was a lot of work. Today was our laaaazy day.

Today I noticed the beautiful frost on our window. We all just ate leftovers, all day, from dinner last night and enjoyed the flowers that our dinner company had brought us. 

Baby-Rae had tantrums and Baby-M had naps. 

And I just took pictures of dimpled knuckles and frosty trees.

Inspired.

"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." 

This week I've deeply felt the truth of this particular section of the well-known quote by Marianne Williamson. 

I've been inspired by others' excellence! And it really is liberating.

I've been inspired by my brother, who is incredibly musically talented. He can sing like nobody's business...and after hearing a demo he recorded as a favour for a friend in You-Tube form, I was...just...impressed. And it stirred in me a desire to return to the piano, to sing more, and to write music again. 

I've been inspired by a friend, who recently blogged about revelation and what the Lord has taught her about it lately in her life. Her desire to be better, her example of studying the scriptures, and her attentiveness to the Lord's teaching opportunities were...awesome . It made me want to be more observant to the way the Lord reveals His will to me, personally. I want to be more attentive to the whisperings of the Spirit, more "present" and available for His purposes.

I've been inspired by my sweet D-Hubby, who's had some serious success this week with his photography. He was contacted by our Fair City because they'd like to use one of his photos on the cover of a major piece of tourism literature. This means a ton of exposure for him and his work. And it means that I haven't been able to put down my camera.

Maybe it's the season. Maybe it's the week. Maybe it's because I straightened my hair a couple days ago.

Whatever the reason, I have felt particularly...glow-y...this week. Do you know what I mean? That everything just kind of seems a little brighter? And little lighter? A little different than it was before?

And I like it.