Your Blog Has Been Created.

"Your blog has been created."

The words that lay across the computer screen seem to be giggling at me. I think they know what I've gotten myself into. Luckily, I still don't...although I do feel this ominous sense of responsiblilty, the same feeling I get when someone gives me an empty notebook or journal as a gift. Like it's a kid I'm responsible for feeding in a timely manner....or ELSE.

I'm shaking it off as I begin this blog. So intimidated.

I still don't know exactly why I've planned to do this. I think it's because this new life of mine has caught me by surprise, and I feel the need to explain why. All the time. Maybe a blog will satisfy this craving I have to philosophize on the subject with anyone who shows any sort of inkling of interest in my thoughts and feelings on the matter. Poor people. I just can't stop once I start.

Anyways.

My intention is to create a memoirs of sorts, detailing my adventures as a brand spanking new wife, mother, and..."homemaker."

One of my friends in high school explained once how her mom disliked being called a "housewife": 'I'm not married to the house!' said her mother. I thought it was a silly distinction then, and shrugged because it was all the same to me. I think I'm beginning to understand her ferocity in defining her role. It's something I've been mulling over for the past few months.

Before I get too carried away on this endless internal monologue I've got going on, I need to introduce myself.

My name is Casey J.
Nope, not my real name.
I figured if I intended to spill my guts on the most public forum on earth, I should give myself some sort of anonymity. I'll give the other people in my life pretend-names, too. Partly because I figure they deserve some privacy as well. But also because it's really just fun.

I've been married for almost a year. I met that sweet hubby of mine last summer when we both decided to leave our hometowns to try our hand at selling pest control door to door in a land far, far away. We fell in love over milkshakes and sales pitches and were married lightning quick. Like, I'm talking from met to married in 5 months.

Yeah, I know.

I don't regret it though. Marriage is an adventure all its own, I've discovered, and for us it's been a lot like jumping into a cold lake: when you jump in, there's the shock to deal with that you don't get with a nice, slow wade...but it's all the same water...marriage takes work no matter how fast it happens. We had the essentials...we made sure of that: common values, common goals, and dedication to eachother... and marriage as an institution. And he was a GREAT kisser.

The essentials, right?

We were married September 19th at 24 years old.
We discovered a month later...to our surprise... that we were two weeks pregnant with our first.
Apparently we do NOTHING slow in this family. Forget that wading thing.

The next nine months consisted of me waddling pregnant through the last year of my degree to the tune of my new hubby working two jobs to keep all two-and-a-half members of our family afloat. Not easy. But totally worth it. We're stronger for it, even if we've also come out with a permanent deer-in-the-headlights stare and we're-okay! grins plastered on our faces.

Whew.

The Light of our Lives, Baby girl Rae, arrived July 3rd.
Wow. Talk about a miracle. Talk about alot of miracles:
A baby, me surviving labour AND a C-section recovery, and my husband becoming even cuter than he was before as he settled into his new role as a father.

My new baby and my (relatively) new hubby seriously rock my world.

Before we wed, my husband and I decided that it was important for our future kids to have their mom around full-time. We could live a humble life for that to be a reality. So long as our financial situation allowed it, we decided that I would be home with the kids, the house, and the dog my husband is still trying to convince me to get...taking care of them and the house while he provided.

Sound kind of cliche? That's because it is.

I figured I knew what I had coming. I could describe what I thought it would be like...and I think I did it fairly accurately. Living it is a completely different story. For better AND for worse.

Just different.

I think someone did try to tell me what I'd run into with our decision.
Probably my mom. She knows these things.

I'm finding it's like working as a full-time cook, janitor, and babysitter with no evenings or weekends off, no holidays...and no pay. Therefore, without a pay stub that somehow proves that you are a "productive" member of society, you're about as respected as a bum who sits at home watching TV in your pyjamas all day. Aaaand after living an extremely structured and deadine-driven life working part-time jobs while going to school, you'll all-of-the-sudden have this wide expanse of an unstructured day to fill with things that used to be second in importance to midterms. Now, they are your whole world...so you SHOULD feel useful and productive...and fulfilled, dangit! But no one will give you feedback or mark your job well done. You've got to find that satisfaction all on your own.

Omigosh. I still can't sort it all out.

I can just see veteran-homemakers smiling through the screen with aged wisdom and a dash of patronizing experience. Yeah, yeah, I know I'll get through it. But I intend to document just exactly how I managed, and how I learned the secret that long-time homemakers hold holy:

Being a homemaker is by-far the best job around.