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And I started this post the next day, writing hot...which I love to do.
(One of my literature profs in University once told us to write red-hot...and edit ice-cold. I loved that. And remembered it, obviously. Writing hot is writing when you are on fire, full of thoughts and emotions that are running through you, around you, out of you, and just burning you up in all the right ways...)
But what I write when I write hot should never be 'published'...not until I've had some time to look over it when I'm running a little cooler. So far, it's been good insurance against saying some really stupid stuff...or the right stuff, but in the wrong way...y'knowwhatimean?
Good.
And so it was with this post. Because it's something that is important...and like most things that are actually important, it lights fires in hearts.
And that blog post lit my fire...maaaybe not in the way that it meant to...or maybe exactly in the way it was meant to...but it doesn't really matter.
This post is about my stance on homosexuality.
I write this because I need to, friends. Not really because you need to know what I think...because heaven knows it doesn't matter...but because I needed to write it...for me. Because I've needed to really think this through...like, really. And for me, writing and thinking go together.
The experience of thinking and writing this post is exactly what it needed to be for me. I needed to sort things out. I needed to really examine myself. I've needed to be clear on where I stand...and I've needed to be able to explain it to my kids someday, without fear.
Because things like this are too important to ignore, or to just hitch a ride on someone else's coattails.
First of all, I need to get some things straight (haaaa...). This post is essentially a response to Momastery's Post (the one I mentioned earlier). Well, kind of.
BUT!!! Understand this: I really really love the blog that the post came from. I love the author, I love her insights, I love her writing, I love her cause. I only respond so specifically to what she said in this post because she laid out the "other side" of the argument so well from the viewpoint of a faithful Christian...that I had to really think about it in her terms, from her perspective. My thought process stemmed and grew from her words...and to take you through any of it without referring to her opinions would be...lacking, somehow. I don't really know that I'll be able to take you with me on my thought process...it's been kind of a whirlwind...but I should be able to share the conclusions I've reached.
Maybe. Hopefully?
And also, I'm coming from the perspective of someone who has always taken the stance that homosexuality is morally wrong. It's where I was sitting before the article...and it's where I've returned to. But...more...thoroughly there, if that makes sense.
I want that out there...because I do believe it's wrong, and so I'll talk about it that way...and don't want anyone scandalized, all-of-the-sudden, by my reference to homosexuality with words like "struggle" and "hardship"...and comparing it to other battles that I believe bear a resemblance. Okee dokee? You've been given fair warning.
Also: pet peeves. One of mine is when people get all upset because someone seems to be esteeming any marriage between a man and a woman as ALWAYS the best situation...no matter what...and start saying how offensive it is to say that that an abusive heterosexual marriage is better than a happy homosexual one. To that I say, DUH. Abuse is unacceptable, in any relationship. No one, upon hearing of a husband abusing his wife, is going to insist that well...at least they weren't in a happy gay relationship! So moot point, okay? From here on out, I'm talking about the ideals of both situations, if we're talking comparisons...which I probably won't do---talk comparisons, I mean---because I feel like it's comparing apples and oranges.
And so.
When I began Momastery's Post, I found myself agreeing wholeheartedly with the first half...about bullying...about kids as adults' reflections...about US needing to change, if we want to see change in our children. YES, yes, yes!
It drove me crazy when I was working in schools to hear of yet another bullying program that taught kids about how to recognize it, how to report it, blah blah blah blah. This will fix nothing! I wanted to shout, because that's not the problem! Our kids are not being taught how to love. Barbara Colorrosso called the solution teaching our kids to "care deeply." And I love that...because the issue of bullying has everything to do with those hearts of ours.
The last half of the post was a letter to her son, a letter that describes their thoughts and feelings on homosexuality, written to him as if he had announced he was gay. It was full of the beautiful and tender words of a loving mother. But it was also where I stopped nodding so vehemently...because, really, I was reading a completely different post. The subject matter was different, the goal, the aim.
We were onto something else, now.
And on I read. And I read some of the comments. And I re-read the post. And another pet-peeve came out...y'know, that one where people assume that because you believe homosexuality is wrong, that you do not love...that you must not love...that love only can mean accepting and celebrating homosexuality as awesome.
Which it doesn't. Because love is not about making everything acceptable. Love is what makes the unacceptable bearable...it's what gives us hope that we can endure the inevitably unacceptable things that we are asked to endure. If I had a friend I loved dearly who struggled with a genetic pre-disposition to alcoholism, I would not throw them a parade and hand them a beer.
Because I can't...because I love them.
You can't do much except love someone when they insist on destructive behaviour...but when you love someone, you sure-as-heck can't throw in the towel and hand them the sledgehammer to do a better job of it. You have to stand your ground in loving who they are at the moment and believing that they can be more than they are currently making of themselves.
So the suggestion that it is a lack of love that keeps me from celebrating homosexuality is offensive to me.
That it is a lack of understanding is also incorrect...because it is my understanding of who we are as humans and why we're here on this earth that also keeps me from embracing the idea that two people of the same gender should be together, sexually, y'know, if they wanna be.
That could be an entirely different post, altogether, though...the who-we-are-why-we're-here thing.
So, anyways.
Homosexuality is two things to me. First, it's simply the attraction, sexually, to someone of your same gender. I do not believe that, in and of itself, is (ahem) "sinful"...because I have met too many people whose situations are too different...and too horrific... to believe that the pain and confusion that can surround sex and sexuality is that simple. And I believe that everyone is born with different challenges and weaknesses in this life. But I do believe there is a line drawn when it comes to what you do with it.
Do you feed it? Entertain it? Justify it?
I believe that homosexuality is wrong. But why? Why am I so sure? How do I know?
What if I didn't know what I know? How could I tell what was right?
What is the good, what is the bad, that comes from embracing and encouraging something like this...the fruit that comes from believing it's wrong or believing it's right?
What if I only had the Bible? How would I tell then?
I can tell you right now, if I only had the Bible to go on...I would be so, so confused.
Because there are so many convincing voices out there. I would have what I've always believed on one hand...and, on the other hand, what seems like everyone else telling me that it's wrong to believe that way...hateful, even. And God is not hateful.
And I would wrestle with it inside...I would want a way to make them fit together...and I would probably end up drawing the same conclusions that the author of this post did...that things like this...just...evolve. That things must be different now. They have to be. To make me feel better, they would have to be.
But I don't believe that I only have the Bible to go on.
I believe that He, God, continues to reveal His will today...like, through a living prophet...through revelation, current scripture. STILL. Today. Just like always.
And thank Heaven for that. Because our time needs our Noah, too. I believe that God doesn't really leave ANYTHING that's significant like this issue up in the air and unclear. I believe that He still chooses a prophet to be his mouthpiece on the earth to give us guidance---and encouragement---that is specific to us and our time. And that makes all the difference. Because when I believe in a God who is actively revealing His will the same way that He always has, it makes getting clarification very simple.
So whether I'm pretending it's from a Darwin-istic perspective (homosexuality doesn't perpetuate a species; survival of the fittest would have annihilated homosexual tendencies ages ago!) or health perspective (can we say HIV/AIDS?), a behavioural perspective (we have to have self-control when it comes to unusual sexual preferences...otherwise, where do we draw the line?), or just the perspective of sex being more than simply an appetite to be filled at all costs...
It would be fine.
But it wouldn't be the whole story. Just some supporting evidence that it's not right, that something is breaking.
Because, really, it comes down to whether I believe God has given the final word on it...and more than just a few semi-ambiguous scriptures in the Bible that people could scrap over 'til the cows come home. I believe He has let us know, very clearly, where He stands today...when He said, in 1995, through a living prophet that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God." (From this. Emphasis added.)
I wonder what the author's letter would have looked like if she were writing to her son as though he had decided to leave the Christian faith to become Muslim (another highly-bullied group she mentioned). Because I think the letter would have been less about how okay and fine-and-dandy it was...and more about how you deal with people who believe differently than you do...about how you love them anyways...and about how you celebrate them as a child of God anyways. I doubt that the author would have started praying to Allah to show support of her son's decision...but she would have loved him anyways. And I doubt that a son in that position...who knew how deeply his parents loved Jesus Christ...would expect them to be kicks and giggles about it...would resent them for not accepting Islam, too...would expect them to rationalize their beliefs so they could believe both things.
I'm sad for those who have been rude and awful on both sides of this issue. I wish I could explain to governments and policy-makers that, for the most part, these are not 'religious fanatics' who are standing up for the future of marriage and its definition...that it's people who are loving the best they can: loving their God and their fellow man.
I like how this quote puts it:
"The nearer we get to our Heavenly Father, the more we are disposed to look with compassion on perishing souls; we feel that we want to take them upon our shoulders, and cast their sins behind our backs." (Joseph Smith Jr.)
Because when it comes right down to it, condemning and exalting are not our jobs...they're WAY over our heads on the job description list, actually. The Lord knows each person's situation, circumstances, and heart perfectly. He is the Perfect Judge. I am not. And while it definitely does not remove my responsibility to defend what is holy and sacred, it certainly means that---above all---I act with compassion.
Because everyone is a child of God...and so, so precious to Him.
...Everyone.
