Sometimes.

Sometimes I love the snow. Like when it makes the night not so dark because it's bouncing light around. And when it falls in huge fluffy flakes, each its own little cloud.  And when it's fresh and clean and white and just...sigh-beautiful.
And sometimes I don't like the snow at all. Like when it takes my warmth without asking.

Sometimes I wear high heels in the kitchen, just so I can reach the top shelf of the cupboards.

Sometimes I feel like my thoughts have too big of an audience, that too many people can hear me thinking. That my brain is too loud. And too transparent. Sometimes I love being see-through.
And sometimes I feel like no one is listening at all. And that I'm opaque and so so quiet. Sometimes, when I feel like a secret, I'm sure I'm fooling myself. And sometimes I don't care. Sometimes I'd rather feel mysterious.

Sometimes I have an endless list of people I can turn to. I feel loved and snuggled and safe inside. I am watched. I am taken care of.
And sometimes I'm the sock behind the drier: forgotten...and a little dusty.

Sometimes I don't wear makeup in public to make sure I still can. To make sure that I'm not taking myself too seriously. To give people a clean face to look at that is not trying to be anything other than what it is.

Sometimes I don't brush my teeth before bed. Gag.

Sometimes I have the best reason to write a song, and it wants to jump out of me. And usually those songs should never be heard by anyone but me. Pain and discomfort are, unfortunately, incredibly inspiring.

Sometimes I get dressed for myself. Sometimes I get dressed for my hubby. Sometimes I just stay in my pyjamas. And sometimes, when no one is home, I'll spend a half an hour or so in nothing at all, just to say that I did.

Sometimes I wish I was famous. Like, singing and dancing famous.

Sometimes I want to talk in an English accent to strangers.

Sometimes I want to introduce myself to everyone in Wal-Mart. I want to hear their stories. And I want to be friends with every single one of them. And give them a hug. And sometimes I just want to move through the crowd invisible and unstopped. Sometimes I wish the checkout lady won't want a conversation.

Sometimes I live in a fairy tale, better than I could have imagined.
Sometimes I wish I lived in a fairy tale.

Sometimes I love sleep. And sometimes I am a little scared of it. Sometimes I think I can make the next day hold off, and time slow down, if I just avoid my pillow.

Sometimes I sing in the car. Really, really loud.

Sometimes I re-live the glory days. Sometimes these are my glory days.

Sometimes I laugh at my own jokes. I may laugh at my jokes all the time.

Sometimes I miss my old dreams. Most of the time I prefer my new ones.

And sometimes...I pretend no one, and everyone, can hear me at the same time. I can say anything I want if both are there to ignore or applaud me.

Aujourd'hui.

Yesterday was a lot of work. Today was our laaaazy day.

Today I noticed the beautiful frost on our window. We all just ate leftovers, all day, from dinner last night and enjoyed the flowers that our dinner company had brought us. 

Baby-Rae had tantrums and Baby-M had naps. 

And I just took pictures of dimpled knuckles and frosty trees.

Inspired.

"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." 

This week I've deeply felt the truth of this particular section of the well-known quote by Marianne Williamson. 

I've been inspired by others' excellence! And it really is liberating.

I've been inspired by my brother, who is incredibly musically talented. He can sing like nobody's business...and after hearing a demo he recorded as a favour for a friend in You-Tube form, I was...just...impressed. And it stirred in me a desire to return to the piano, to sing more, and to write music again. 

I've been inspired by a friend, who recently blogged about revelation and what the Lord has taught her about it lately in her life. Her desire to be better, her example of studying the scriptures, and her attentiveness to the Lord's teaching opportunities were...awesome . It made me want to be more observant to the way the Lord reveals His will to me, personally. I want to be more attentive to the whisperings of the Spirit, more "present" and available for His purposes.

I've been inspired by my sweet D-Hubby, who's had some serious success this week with his photography. He was contacted by our Fair City because they'd like to use one of his photos on the cover of a major piece of tourism literature. This means a ton of exposure for him and his work. And it means that I haven't been able to put down my camera.

Maybe it's the season. Maybe it's the week. Maybe it's because I straightened my hair a couple days ago.

Whatever the reason, I have felt particularly...glow-y...this week. Do you know what I mean? That everything just kind of seems a little brighter? And little lighter? A little different than it was before?

And I like it.

Sunshine Moments and Small Victories.

-My goal for this week was to shower at least every other day. Personal care definitely gets harder with 2 babies...but so far so good! And D-Hubby also appreciates my efforts...baha.

-I managed to finish washing the pile of dishes that has accumulated. I always seemed to get interrupted when I had gotten through washing a bunch...but not all...and then sleep would always win out when both kiddos were asleep and I asked myself: to wash the rest...or nap? Dishes have gotten a constant jilt lately. BUT they're all gone, all done, and never to pile up like that again.

-Back to cloth diapering. We started back into the cloth this week after a 5 week hiatus. The 5 and a bit weeks of disposables has been nice and easy for us and those who have taken care of Baby-Rae while we've been baby-busy....but ALSO reminded me why I decided to cloth diaper in the first place. Do you know how much garbage diapers for two make? Especially with a huge and chubby 5-week old who is the heaviest wetter EVER? Seriously, crazy pee-er. Anyways. I'm not feeling like it's any more work than diapering one in cloth...the loads of diapers I wash now are just a full batch...which is better anyways. Yeehaw.

-We had our neighbors over for dinner last night. LOVE them. They adored a picture that D-Hubby had taken of our fair city...and asked if they could get the digital file to have one blown up to put in their house. It turned out A-MAZING and made D-Hubby feel like a million bucks.

-Baby-Rae is very good at recognizing her dad and pointing him out whenever he shows up. She loves him. The other day we were on the way back from grocery shopping when she busted out with an enthusiastic "Dada! Da!" and was pointing excitedly. I looked around for someone who looked like D-Hubby but couldn't see anyone. I followed her pointing finger and realized she was pointing at the Colonel's big face on the top of a KFC. Baha! I thought maybe it was just a one-time mix-up...but the whole thing repeated itself when we drove by that KFC again later in the week. I think I definitely thought it was funnier than D-Hubby did...

-As of this upcoming Monday, I am through the obligatory 6 week recovery period for my Csection. Woohoo.

-I can fit into pre-maternity jeans! Hey, I didn't say I looked good in them, just that they can pull on and do up. Happened way faster than the last time so...(smile!) Just makes my wardrobe so much bigger and more wearable.

-Made peach cobbler last night from frozen peaches from the summer. Then ate it. And loooooved it.

-Found this recipe. Then planned a whole Harry Potter party in my head. Then decided to throw it next year when the last movie comes out. Then mourned the fact that I STILL haven't seen the one just out. But I will...oh, I will............someday.