Home With Little Ladies.

This week I've been watching my next-door-neighbor's little girl. And watching the Toddler I normally sit for a few times, too. And--let's not forget--my own little beebee.

It's been fun. Three little girlies under the age of  2 equals one messy house, that's fer darn sure. The first day, I picked the plastics back up each time after the girls were done emptying the cupboard. That was the last day I did. Now, my plastics are my kitchen floor's delightful little ornaments until all girlies have exited the building, or are in bed. Then my house gets returned to its pre-tornado state.
But what's really caught my attention this week was how grateful I am that I get to stay home with my little girl. And assuming that I'll always get to stay home while my kids are young, these are the things that I've been thinking about...that I'm grateful for:

I'll never have to wonder what kind of mothering my kids are actually getting...like the day-in, day-out every day kind of mothering. The kind that I'm not always there to give. Are they being taught correct principles? Are they being taught with love and kindness? Does someone else lose their patience with my baby?
I'll never have to wonder if my kid would rather be at their babysitter's than at home.
I'll never have to 'get used' to being away from my kids...it'll never be a big adjustment or a special event to have a whole day with them.
I'll know what kind of food they're eating. I'll know just the things they like to do in their play-time, what book they pick up first from a pile.
I'll be around for rare teaching opportunities like when they see a butterfly for the first time, or bubbles, or a bug. Or when they hit someone else for the first time.
I'll have a little time to sit and watch them every once in a while. I won't be quite as surprised at how fast they're growing up because I'll be there. I won't have to wonder what I'm missing.
I won't have to wonder if someone is loving them enough, if they're getting enough hugs, if they're feeling comforted when they're sad. If they're just having a rough time, I'll be able to just sit and cuddle them for a few minutes in the middle of the day.
I'll be there to see how they draw their pictures. They'll be there to help me make cookies for Daddy.
I'll be there to teach them how to pick up their toys. And how to fold laundry. And they'll be there to teach me patience, and that it doesn't matter how the towels are folded.
I'll be able to let them sleep until they need to in the mornings, and put them to sleep when they need to go to bed at night. I won't need to run errands during the only few hours we have together.

And y'know, my intention is not at all to gloat that I get to stay home...or demean anyone that works outside the home. These girlies that I've been watching this week are the daughters of single moms. I can't even imagine how hard that would be. And I admire those ladies for doing what they have to do to provide for and nurture their babies. Alone! How do they do it without a D-Hubby of their own???
My thoughts on the matter are purely out of gratitude for my situation...that I can be with them, and I choose to be with them. Both.

P.S. On a side note, how funny is it to watch two only-child babies interact? I've been enjoying fits of laughter at the looks on these girls faces as someone dares to play with a toy they want. It's never happened before! Well, maybe just for Baby-Rae. New Baby usually goes to daycare, so she knows how to take what she wants. Baby-Rae on having to share the toy she's currently playing with AND her mom with someone else? SOoo not impressed. And maybe to me, it's just a little funny... :)

I Feel Tall Because It's Sunny.

Tall pictures from a day that's was so beautiful, I felt like I could do anything.

She's got me sold on a delicious lens cap.

Music Days--Verse Five.

Read:
Verse One.
Verse Two.
Verse Three.
Verse Four.
Well, really Verse One is the post that explains what's going on. Read that one anyway.


Friendships.

My teenage years were where I learned what friendship really was. I learned how to be a friend, how not to be a friend, and to be grateful for true friends.

This song....along with Usher's You Make Me Wanna.....make me think of friends and trends.

 I remember LOVING rap and RandB music just after I decided to un-love the Backstreet Boys. And really, I don't think I actually was in-love with it....it was just fun to enjoy with friends...because it was "the" music to love at the time. I even think my big act of rebellion at the time was buying the Usher CD without my mom knowing....mostly because it had a "Parental Advisory" label on it. Such a rebel... haha! Listening to it all just made me feel....(cough, cough) cool (cough, scoff).
Fast Forward a few years to when Ska and Punk music were outta-control-awesome. Enter "What's the Dillio" and a bajillion other songs that we would blare from the radio speakers. I think this song was discovered when friend-boys left it in my car CD player one day in the form of a couple burned CD's...and never saw it again. Me, and a couple other gal-pals who were crazy about the music they left behind (and maybe secretly about them, too) just...um....kept the CD's safe until the boys forgot about them entirely. Or just burned other copies. Either way, we got to pretend we were Punk Connoisseurs, and let our punk-chick-selves come through every time we popped those songs in. And felt...(cough, cough...) well, y'know...

My Fifteenth Birthday.

I turned 15 at the biggest church camp ever...E.F.Y.!
I had friends there at that camp with me that made me feel beyond special that day. They decorated the dorm room we stayed in with balloons and streamers. They bought me a crown and made me wear it all day so everyone would know. The night before, the dreamiest a-capella band EVER (Remember Colors?) were signing autographs...and my buddies made sure that they knew it was my birthday; they sang Happy Birthday to me, and I melted. My 15-year-old self fell in love with every single one of those married men. My buddies bought me a whole roll of duct tape aaaaallll to myself (confused? so you shall stay. my (not-so)*secret* obsession. HA!). The boys in our group bought me a blizzard and sang me "Happy Birthday." I felt so....loved by those friends who made the effort to make my day a special one.
We may have danced to this song the night of my birthday....or just another night...(or two or three other nights)....while we were there. Either way, it reminds me of the blast we had busting a move together...dancing CRRRRaaaazy and laughing so so hard. It reminds me of just having a blast with friends that loved me.

For friends who just understood.

I think maybe it's a teenage plague....the feeling that nobody understands. Maybe it comes from the conflict between the part of you that's more adult than people realize and give you credit for...fighting with the side of you that just feels so small. It's tough to be a teenager.
Personally, I really felt like I had made a tough, mature decision...the right decision...the break up with that boy when I did. But it hurt so much;  and I went through so much as a result that I just didn't understand, that I thought was my fault...that I just felt like no one understood what I was going through...and why it stuck with me for SoOOooo long. That, combined with the normal ups and downs of figuring out whether I was grown-up or little, left me feeling pretty lonely sometimes. Can every teenager not relate to that? Oh, it's tough to be a teenager!  Where's one now? I need to hug one.
Anyways.
It helped me to value and appreciate the friends that took the time to really listen. It strengthened my resolve to be a better friend...to be a better listener. Around the ages of 16-17, friendship started to mean different things to me. It didn't just mean someone who liked the same music as me or did their hair the same...it meant spending time together and listening and sharing opinions without fear of judgement and friends that cared more about your spiritual well-being than your feelings....who would encourage you to be better than you were even if it meant calling you out on certain things.
The year I was 17, I had friends like that. And that group didn't just include the ones that hung out all the time. We all did CRAZY things together. We told secrets to each other. Big secrets. And trusted each other with them.We defended each other...even if we were defending each other from...each other. We encouraged each other to be better. We had us... and that was all that really mattered. And we loved making new friends. We didn't have to be anything less than ourselves to be accepted. And we disagreed on many-a-thing....but loved each other anyways, and told each other so. Often. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. One of those friends learned this song on the piano by ear. It's just so...GOOD. And it fits the way I felt about friends...and how I wanted to feel about my future Prince Charming.
So this song is for the besties: The ones I will always be friends with, no matter how old we get, no matter how far we live from each other, or how long it's been since we talked last.

Music Days--Verse Four

(Read Verse One, Verse Two, and Verse Three first. It's a series-type-post. It'll just make more sense.)


The Songs That Go Along with a Taste of Freedom.

At age sixteen I was finally...finally....able to drive. I spent months before and after my sixteenth birthday perusing car magazines so I wasn't car-stupid. I was proud that I could spot any car on the road and most likely tell you the make and model. I made myself learn the difference between a four cylinder, V6 and V8 engine. And I used any excuse I could to drive my Dad's car....a brand new Honda Civic. Errands to be done? Drive who to piano lessons? Even the family full-sized van wasn't that bad (and it was a BEAST). At least I could drive. It was my first taste of adult-like freedom and it was delicious to my sixteen-year-old self.

I have distinct driving memories with these songs. I can't really remember whether I was alone or with friends, but I am singing loud and loud along with these tunes while coasting down roads I can still remember the names to. The windows were down, the radio was blasting, and it was heaven.





(Sorry, couldn't embed the real video. It's here if you want to see it. PS...I had no idea these two were twins until just now! ha!)


And this next one is for late-night alone driving.
Again, I found any excuse to drive, including volunteering myself to drive friends home to their far-away homes at midnight, after a long night of playing. Drove my mom crazy :) (Love you, Mom.) And my favourite song to listen to while it was dark and I was just alone with my thoughts was this one. My thoughts turned to that guy quite often when I didn't have anything else to distract me, trying to sort out what had gone right and what had gone wrong. So this was the soundtrack for my night-drives. And night-thoughts.



So here's to those first few years of driving (before it got old, haha): that little taste of freedom.

Music Days--Verse Three.

(Read Verse One and Verse Two first to clear up any confusion as to what's going on here.)

"The Ones that Remind Me of The Boy."

I'm guessing that everyone who's ever been a teenager has that one (or maybe two...) someone who absolutely captured you. Who made your heart want to explode. Who you lied awake thinking about at night. Who's every look and word and action meant something. Who's memory will always remind you of the roller-coaster, of what it meant to be a teenager in love.
And it doesn't really matter if it was the guy in your Chemistry class that you never talked to, or your best friend's girlfriend that you secretly adored. They were that person to you, and that's all that matters.

(Warning: this post may be a doozey. Mostly because this whole experience is probably one of the most potent experiences of my adolescent life.)

My someone was two years older than me. My best bud and I had had a secret crush on him since who-knows-when, and at the tender age of 15, I was singled out by him as the girl he adored and wanted to date.
I was beyond euphoric.
And I went against my family's rules of no-dating-until-your-sixteen to secure the man-of-my-dreams.
Two weeks after we started dating, he told me he thought he loved me. My parents paid me hundreds of dollars to just WAIT a few months to kiss the guy (no, I'm actually serious)...in an effort to keep their little 15 year old (who thought she was 18) from running way faster than she was really ready for. I wasn't sure what I was missing by not kissing someone...so I agreed. He waited patiently while we planned our supposedly impending wedding, 8 years from then...we even had a date picked out. He spent an extra hour after school everyday walking me home...in the opposite direction as his house.
And so, what you get when you date a really good 15-yr-old girl with a wide n' fiery rebellious streak is a girlfriend who is constantly breaking up with you and then getting back together with you.
It's great, you should try it.
I was constantly at odds with my better self who knew that I wasn't ready for a relationship like this. I knew my family had dating rules for a good reason. I was in way over my head. And I knew it. But I was crazy for this boy! And he loved me! And I could do whatever I wanted! And...and...
SEE? Roll.er.Coast.er.
During this time I fell in love with rock music because he introduced me to some great stuff. I loved Creed, The Tea Party, Live, Nickelback, Incubus, and Fuel because of his influential music tastes. The first song doesn't really remind me of him, per se....but it was a song that I became addicted to during this time of life...and it became my anthem from ages 15-16.
(And please, ignore the cheesy youtube versions I've posted. My apologies! Just listen to the songs, don't watch the videos.)


And this next song is such a great song, it's kind of too bad it reminds me of him so much. Although there are a plethora of songs I could choose from, I think this one reminds me of all-of-this the most......ish......


We dated on and off for 6 months. Until finally, my better self won out....and I broke up with him, for REAL this time. At first he just thought I was being my schizophrenic self and would not resist his efforts to reunite. But when it became clear that this was more than just a temporary effort to soothe my guilty heart, things got a little ugly. He was really....just....mean. I mean, it was because he was sad and mad. But still! That next six months was torture for me. Complete with as many heartbreaking songs as I could get my hands on. Funny enough, I can't think of any that stand out. All I remember is being in a fog. A broken-hearted, emotionally draining haze. Yuck.
ANYWAYS.
Just for the sake of finishing a story, he ended up dating my best friend (remember? the one from the beginning who liked him, too?) secretly the next year. She lied to me about it. Lots. Usually to my face. And our friendship suffered (duh.)....and all because of 'that' boy that all girls say they'll never let come between their friendships. (Sigh.) Their relationship was fairly short-lived. Then, anyways.
However, the year that I graduated, he left for two years to be a missionary, and we ended up being able to say what we needed to say about those roller-coaster times before parting ways...And voice some tentative hopes for a reunion upon his return. He got to say he was sorry for being ruuude, and I got to explain why I was so....silly, so it was good.
BUT in between those two points were some of the best times of my teenage years. And I have a song or two to go along with that awesome group of people I shared them with. So no need to rush.

But that's another post for another time.

Music Days--Verse Two.

(Explanation for the weird music videos here: Music Days--Verse One.)


The Moffatts.

That's right. A MOFFATTS song is making it onto the list. I'm holdin' nothin' back!
So this song is because I love their hair. HA! Just kidding. It's actually because I have a memory of going to a dance in The Land of My Extended Family with my cousins one summer. There was this cute boy who asked me to dance and flirted. up. a. storm. I loved every second. Then he found out I wasn't from around there, and would be leaving the next day. He acted devastated, and then began to sing the lyrics of the song we were dancing to. Which happened to be this one. My 14-yr-old self was slightly embarrassed, but right charmed, too. So this one's for boys who I met at dances and fell in love with in one song.


N'Sync. Because boy-bands were just the best back then.

I did kind of like boy bands in general in those early teenage years. Maybe it was my age. Maybe it was because there was a plethora of them to love. And maybe because cute boys singing about heartbreak and unrequited love was just irresistable. How could a she-teen not relate to that! So this one was one of my favourites to fall asleep to...and dream about that boy that just drove me crazy. Ha. 
P.S. I had not seen this music video until just now. Gotta miss (?) that bleached-blonde look, Justin.

Ummm...All Saints? Whatever-the-heck happened to them?

This one actually ALSO goes out to boys you fall in love with in one song. Or one dance. And then fall out of love with them again.
When 15, my best bud and I ran away to visit my cousin for several days after Christmas. Our timing had a purpose: one of the biggest high-school boys basketball tournaments was happening in her town that week. I had just broken up with an on-and-off boyfriend for the second? third? time...we both needed a break from our hometown boys. We had to meet some fresh new ones. We just had to be THERE. 
It was great. And there were three dances to attend during the time we were there. At one, I saw the cutest boy I had ever laid eyes on. He was a blondie in a puffy vest. It was the last song of the night, and I got this unusual surge of courage. He wasn't dancing with anyone...so I gritted my teeth and marched myself right up to him and asked him to dance. We danced. I felt kind of silly for being so forward, but it paid off....as he left the dance, he made a point of calling out a good-bye to me...complete with cute little nickname for me, based off where I was from. I could. have. died.
There was another dance the next night in another town close by. AND HE WAS THERE. When deciding on a song for this experience, it was a toss up between the Grease Mega-mix, and this All-Saints random. He made it clear that he was interested by coming over and dancing with my friends and I during the Grease Mash-up and sang all the "Danny" parts right to me. (Le SIGH.) I was in shock. He was SOOoo cute. And he was paying attention to me. 
Which leads me to this All-Saints song. We slow danced a couple songs in a row, right at the end of the dance, this one being the second. I don't know if it was just the atmosphere, or his intoxicating cologne, or just wanting to forget what's-his-name back home, or what....but by the time we were dancing to this song, (STOP READING, MOM!) we were dancing WAAaay too close. I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable. And I was feeling reeeeeallly guilty. But I stayed where I was, unfortunately. I think he even tried to kiss me. But I was feeling awful about where I was letting this go, and how I really did miss that boy back home and was here dancing with some guy I barely knew like this and...and was lost in thinking about it, and totally aloof. The song lyrics about feeling 'so bad' (different context, I know, but still...) weren't helping either. By the end of the dance it was all I could do to not run from him and that dance floor. Poor guy. He was so confused. One second I'm flirting like crazy and dancing much too close and the next? Poof. I'm gone. 
So this song reminds me of an important adolescent lesson learned. I can't even recall that situation without feeling the "that was so dumb" guilt ache. Oh yuck. But dang. I learned. And I learned it good.


Stay tuned.

Music Days--Verse One.

So I was listening to some online radio yesterday, and on came a song I loved back in my teenage yesteryears. It got me thinking how much I love music. But then again, I don't know very many people who don't...in fact, I know no one who has ever said to me "music? meh. I could take it or leave it." Everyone has their songs, their tunes, their melodies that are important to them. All so different. Yet, so...good.

Anyways, I was thinking about being a teenager, especially. Doesn't everyone have those few songs that will inevitably end up on the soundtrack of the movie we'll watch someday of our own adolescent experiences? Seriously! I can think of a handful, off the top of my head, that are inextricably linked to my memories of what it was like being a teenager. Some songs are embarrassingly and gloriously cheesey. Some are tender and deep. Some are sad and complex.

Over the next few days, I'm taking a stroll down memory lane...maybe more for my benefit than anything, an archive of sorts. But then again, the only people that read this blog--who know who I am--might get a kick out of the memories...because you, my friends, were probably right there with me.
And for real, if you are able to comment, just this time, and leave a couple of your teenage-faves, too, I would love it. And I will not judge. Because really, after some of the ones I'm about to tell you about, you will feel no shame in comparison. HA.

First up?



Oh, Backstreet Boys. You began my adolescence.
At the tender age of 12-13, they were my first real foray into the world of obsessive teenage-girl-hood. My best bud and I were among the first to fall in love with this boy band of all boy bands. She even recorded her tape (that's right....tape) of their first album of them for me, so I could listen to them non-stop, too. Which I did. Really. I adored Nick with his beautiful blonde bowl-cut, although Brian was a close second. We would daydream about meeting them. AND now that boys, in general, were making their way onto the radar, every single crush we had was epitomized by at least one of their A-MAzing songs. This song in particular holds a special place...because it's also one of the first music videos I had ever seen. I was mesmerized.
And then...they got popular, we got too-cool. And the publicly proclaimed love was over. But secretly, they always held a place in my little heart, a love not admitted from then on...until I went to a concert as a favour to a friend (nothing more!) in grade 11-ish...and ended up screaming just as loud as every single other girl in that arena.

Oh, Backstreet Boys. How I love thee, if only for the memories.

The Thoughts on the Pieces.

There have been several disconnected and exciting events happening over here.

...Oh, you wanted to know?
And you've been wondering how I've been thinking/feeling about it all?
...No?
Well, too bad. 

We're expecting Baby Number TWO!
It happened a little earlier than we had planned...in fact, I was already pregnant by the time we had decided to try for another wee one, planning that our kids would be 18 months apart. Well, they're actually going to be somewhere in the vicinity of 16 months apart. I think Heavenly Father was putting baby thoughts in my head for a different reason than I thought...here I was thinking that it was a nudge to take some action and plan for initiating another little life. Turns out it was more like "Baby's already on the way. Get a-preparing!"
I'm excited. And a little overwhelmed. A little nervous that it will be a lot all at once. So grateful that we don't have problems getting pregnant. Curious to know whether it's going to be a boy or girl...but still wanting it to be a surprise. And feeling a little guilty that the novelty of pregnancy is no longer causing me to stare at my belly constantly. Glad, though, that I generally know what to expect this time around...feeling a little more...settled? about being "great with child." Ha.

We've moved from an apartment to a duplex!
This weekend was a zoo. But it's all been worth it for our new little house. We have a totally fenced-in backyard. We have a basement. We have hardwood floors; everything's nicely renovated, in fact. I gave up my dishwasher for a BIG fridge and more cupboard space....Yahoo! We're paying waaay less than this place could rent for in this market. We LOVE this little place. It's got enough room for us for quite a while. We don't plan to purchase a house unless we know we'll be there for a while....so in the meantime, something like this is our little piece of home-heaven.

Baby-Rae is crawling!
She's a little shaky and just goes in short jaunts on all fours before resting on that tubby little baby belly that I love, but she is so there already. Holy smokes. My baby is growing up. How can something be so hard and so wonderful all at the same time?

This week we're without D-Hubby. And the car. And a phone. But at least we have the Internet! ( I hope!)
The phone/internet company can't come until the 10th of the month to hook everything up. We initially thought that I wouldn't even have the internet while he had to be away on business. But! For now, we do. I'm just hoping that it holds out this week. I need some form of communication...right? There might be just a teensy part of me that was sorta hoping for isolation. I was imagining just how much I'd get done without fun blogs to distract me. And I was imagining a week of soul-cleansing detox from the internet...kind of like a fast from food, y'know? Good for you occasionally. But oh well.
There's also a large part of me that is entirely grateful not to be so completely stranded on my own without any form of long-distance contact. It will make the week not quite so lonely without D-Hubby.

There, I'm done.