Admitting Surprises.

Sometimes my life surprises me.
But not in the sense of being surprised by unexpected things; Lately, Life has been surprising me with everyday, ordinary, been-happening-all-long things.

Like how, suddenly, Baby-Rae no longer says "baba" as a multipurpose word for grandma and grandpa. Now it's gamma and gampa. She's supposed to grow up...why is it such a shock when it happens?

And how I was thinking about buying a house someday...and how it would be nice if we could move into a teensy, super-cheap place for a little while to save up more money...like our friends who have a little baby. But how that would not really work for us because there's more than 2 1/2 of us...and for some reason, it was a slightly jolting realization that I don't just have one little baby...I have two kids. TWO kids! How'd I get here already?

Sometimes, all of the sudden, I realize that I'm here, smack-dab in the middle of my life...
...and I'm surprised.

Maybe I just forget to stop and savour.
I feel like every day, I am immersed---up to my eyeballs and wading armpit-deep---in the waking up, the getting breakfast, the getting ready, the not-too-much-TV, the how-can-I-save-more-money?, the going-to-play-outside, the get lunch ready, the nap times, the laundry, the switching laundry, the folding laundry, the dishes, the keep-my-house-clean, the wading through toys covering the floor, the what's-for-dinner, the dinner prep while dealing with cranky babies, the greet-hubby-cheerfully, the make-hubby-feel-loved-and-appreciated-while-just-wanting-a-break, the cleaning up, the baby-feeding, the baths, the books, the hugs, the kisses, the prayers, the goodnights, the house-tidying, the showering, the grocery-shopping, the everything.

I was telling D-Hubby the other day that I really need to change something...I feel like my mind is so buried in the mundane, in the tasks, the doing, of my every-days...that I'm forgetting how to think higher, and holier...forgetting how to let my mind dwell on ideas and ponder mysteries, to consider great people and evaluate my direction.
I'm so busy focusing on where my feet are stepping, that I'm about to run into something; I'm losing the big picture.

I have a sneaking suspicion what might help. I've kind of been in denial about it, actually.

(deeeeeeeeeeep brrrrrreeeeath......)
I need to wake up before my kids.
ACK. I said it out loud. Or typed it out loud. Whatever.

I've long suspected it...even experienced it, once, for a while when I had an early-morning paper route.
But I REALLY like my sleep. Especially when babies don't let me get very much of it. And especially when I'm staying up way too late for the hour at which they wake me each morning. I've tried really hard to convince myself that it's not really important to me, and that I don't really need that time...naaaah....

But I do. I need some quiet time before the day comes bouncing to a start in the form of jammies and messy pigtails. I need time to wake-up, to sip my lemon tea, to fill my heart and my mind with higher and holier things...and with enough calm to really let it sink in...so that it doesn't get chased out quite as easily; and I need just a minute or two to make sure I've got my mind wrapped around the day ahead. The times when I've had this, I've been able to greet my bleary-eyed babies, fresh from dreams, with a smile on my face...not a pillow over my head.

And if I had that little space of time... maybe my life wouldn't keep surprising me with things I should know already... if I took a few moments to really dwell on them...to roll them around in my head and taste them on my tongue. To mentally stop the tide for just a few minutes...to hold the realities of my life with both hands and stare them in the face...and revel in them...or tell them that they stink...and learn to love them anyways.

So starts an experiment week in this house of mine. My kids usually wake up around 7. I'm going to wake up at 6:30. Which means I'm also going to bed before 10:30...which will be a major feat in itself. Ha.

I may post progress...or just an overall review at the end of the week, we'll see.
Hey! I just made an extra half-hour in my day! I could totally have more time to blog!...uhhh...maybe. If I'm not taking nice loooong naps as a result...

Pretending

Last week D-Hubby took photos for someone who had entered a giveaway he put on.
She wanted a trash-the-dress session with a few mommy-daughter ones, too. D-Hubby is not the biggest fan of shooting kids' photos, just because he feels it's not his forte. Plus he uses a camera that manually focuses (as opposed to auto-focuses) and kids wiggle lots, so it's harder to get well-focused photographs. As a result of this, and the fact that I'll be shooting weddings with him this summer, D-Hubby wanted me to take the mommy-daughter shots with my digital so I could get some extra practice.
D-Hubby's been a great teacher...but this was my first fer-real session, and I was nervous...especially since Darren is usually a lot more bossy directive when it comes to taking photos. This time he just told me to do my thing. That was it. The end. Gaaah.

But...luckily...it went okay! And I wanted to share a few.
So let's pretend this is a photography blog, and this is the session post, k?
O-kay.

Thanks for pretending with me. Funfunfun.

New

Time for a blog makeover. Y'know...freshen things up in here or something. Clean out those stinky blog-armpits.

And some pictures to celebrate.

On Real Beauty

  

“Let the sisters take care of themselves, and make themselves beautiful, 

and if any of you are so superstitious and ignorant as to say that this is pride, 

I can say that you are not informed as the pride which is sinful before the Lord, you are also ignorant as to the excellency of the heavens, and of the beauty which dwells in the society of the Gods.   

Were you to see an angel, you would see a beautiful and lovely creature.  

 Make yourselves like angels 

in goodness 

and beauty.”

-Brigham Young

I read this quote a few years ago and have been scouring the earth for it ever since. I'm so glad I've finally found it!

I think often about beauty.
I take great joy in things that are beautiful in appearance, and delight in things that are visually and esthetically lovely. I love art. I love theatre. I love home decor. I love beautiful food! And for the most part I can feel when it crosses the line into vanity, or valuing the appearance of something over its innate worth...(focusing so much on the appearance of my home, for example, that it feels empty of the sustaining influence of the Spirit). For the most part.

Becoming a wife has been an interesting journey. Bear with me as I explain why.

I feel very strongly about the innate and inherent beauty of women and their great, individual value to the Lord. And I feel that there is so much opposition to that truth. There is voice after voice that tells women their real power lies in their ability to seduce, encouraging them to reduce themselves to something empty and conniving, and treat the gift of their bodies as something cheap and uncherished. There are the voices that whisper half-truths...like... you are beautiful..."if you..."....and you are misunderstood...so be rude, bitter, abrasive...and you are smart and strong...so seek your praise and validation from the world around you...and you are equal in value to men...so act the SAME as them...and you are naturally tender and caring...but hide it because it makes you look weak.

I hate it.

Because I feel so strongly about it, I have a tendency to swing the other direction....and dig my heels in---to the point of ranting and all-out stubborness---when it comes to anything that vaguely resembles any of those and the various other messages that the Adversary is slinging.

Case in point: being a good wife.

At the risk of sounding like I'm generalizing, I've learned that men are just different than women.

Gee, thanks, Captain Obvious.

I mean, I knew that...my dad would always remind us girls when we were growing up so we knew the importance of dressing modestly. But I think I always just thought it was unfortunate that it was so important to guys to be visually attracted to a gal. I thought it was something that needed to be fixed, and made them...less than women somehow...Oh those poor, shallow creatures...

And so....with every gentle (...and not-so-gentle) reminder that D-Hubby would send my way about how much he appreciated when I looked...put-together...it would just make me angry. He'd get an earful, a heated tirade about appreciating my inner beauty, and a sulky wife who was more determined than ever to wear yoga pants and day-old makeup the next day just to teach him a lesson. Take that, problematic visual attraction!

It's taken me a while to understand. And while I still think there's a fine line between appreciating someone's physical beauty...and worshiping it, or making it paramount to the beauty of their heart...I think I was missing the boat somewhere. Because those men of ours are different for a reason. And yes, that comes with its own challenges...but we're supposed to be different. Those differences are to be celebrated, even.

And I think that's where this quote by Brigham Young just states it perfectly:
The goodness and the beauty of angels.

Soft...gentle...clean...modest...light...happy...holy...kind...healthy...whole...radiant.

I think that's where the truth is, the happy medium, the place where the importance of inner beauty and appreciation for outward beauty can co-exist perfectly. For women, it's up to us to take care of ourselves, make ourselves beautiful like the angels. For men, it's up to them to learn to value that beauty: true beauty. 

And just like they shouldn't ask us to minimize our value by dressing like hoochies (who says hoochies?)...we shouldn't expect them to find greasy hair, hairy legs, a foul mouth, and a bad attitude attractive. We can each only do our own job, and the result is perfect love and appreciation for each other...and our differences.

In light of this lesson I've learned, I'm going to go straighten my hair with the last of the babies' nap time.
Because D-Hubby thinks it's a pretty change every once in a while.
Because I couldn't care less.
Because both are okay.





 

Waiting for The Bell

I had my camera while waiting to drive siblings home from school. The result was an exercise in seeing the picture-worthy things around me... In the parking lot of a little school out in the boonies.

And How's That Working for You?

I wrote this list a few months back...but got sidetracked before finishing and publishing it. So here it is. The first one doesn't really apply anymore. But oh well.

The top ten things that have just been working for me lately:

1) This whole post-pregnancy-losing-hair-because-of-hormones thing.
          I normally have a lot of thick, frizzy, curly hair. Currently, because of hormones post-pregnancy, I am currently losing alarming amounts of hair on a regular basis. This works for me right now because I now have a mane that is quite manageable and normal-sized, and it's nice! Talk to me in a few weeks, though, when I'm bald...I might be singing a different tune.

2) My VCR and sing-along videos
          When we were little my sisters and I loved the Disney songs. I kid you not when I say that we spent hours dancing, singing, and lip synch-ing to them. We popped in our CD's and off we went, choreographing and belting our hearts out. Lately, it's been a blast to revisit those memories and introduce Baby-Rae to some much-loved old-school Disney songs through the (ahem) vintage VHS copies of the Sing-Alongs. So great.

3) My Week, day-by-day
          Each day of my week has its...thing.
   Monday: "Weekly Home Blessing"...see the link to know what that means.
   Tuesday: PLAY day! The day for a big outing, having friends over for lunch or a playdate, or just some other fun activity.
   Wednesday: Budget Review Day---the day I sit down, review the week in finances, record purchases, pay off credit cards, see where we're at for money left in categories, pay bills if needed, etc.
   Thursday: Meal-Plan Day---where I get a weekly meal/snack plan together and make up the grocery list for it. Also the day that I clean out the fridge...helps to know what I've got on hand.
   Friday: Grocery-Shopping and Errands day---the day where I set aside a big chunk of time for grocery shopping, taking recycling in, washing the car if needed, topping up the gas tank. And also the day I cart around much snack food for kids and me. Many much snack food.
   Saturday: Service Day---the day that we do some sort of service, ideally together as a family...ideally. Usually it just entails me making a treat for someone, or sending an appreciation note...but we'll work on that.
   Sunday: Rest and Relax Day---Self-explanatory...but rest and relax in the spiritually-rejuvenating way. Also the day to go over the plan for the week with D-Hubby and have our Relationship Inventory...which usually just means telling each other something we appreciated about the other that week...but also a good time to dust out the corners and keep the relationship....fresh. Weird? Maybe. But good.
            I've pulled the idea from FlyLady, but adapted it for me and me family. This works for me because it gives me a focus for the day. Meals, laundry, and dishes are all a daily thing...but if I get nothing else done except for this one focus thing, I feel like I've accomplished what I needed to do. Plus, having a designated day set aside to play with friends or do a big activity together like swimming really helps to incorporate a little fun into our week outside of the walls of home.

4) Meal Planning
          Omigosh. I can't tell you how much this works for me. I love it. Also, something new we're trying is theme nights that stay the same week to week...ie. Mexican night, Asian night, Pizza night....that sort of thing. Thanks to the Food Nanny for that idea. So far, it's working. Totally gives me some focus when coming up with meals to try.

5) Drinking Enough Water
          Pretty self-explanatory. Noticeable benefits.
 

6) Chewing my food really well
           This one sounds weird. But I was inspired to try it out while reading something, somewhere...and I've noticed that I enjoy my food more...and I eat less...because I eat slower...and give my body a chance to realize it's full. Working for me.
 
7)Wheels on the Bus book
          A favourite. It's just fun. Nothing special, but we like it, Baby-Rae and I.
 
8) This recipe for caramel oatmeal bars
           Sorry, this one will have to wait. I'm currently doing a sugar-fast (which is also working for me) and these chocolate caramel bars are my kryptonite when it comes to sweet treats. I can't sit and stare at the recipe long enough to type it out at the moment. But it's gooood. Later, fer sher.

9) Brain-Dump book
           A cute dollar-store notebook sits on the corner of my kitchen counter. It catches all of the random thoughts I don't want to forget, from something funny that Baby-Rae did/said...to grocery items I need...to people I need to ask a question or things I want to look up on the computer later (because seriously, if I sat down at the computer every time I wanted to look something up...I'd get sidetracked and spend at LEAST a half hour on the computer every time. I'd be on the computer all day...).

10) My stainless steel water bottle
          And not just any water bottle. This one. It's amazing. Doesn't sweat, keeps my water cold for-ever, and makes drinking water throughout the day actually enjoyable...because it's always accessible, and still cold.

Pep Talk

Today, post-lunch:

I stared at the floor, full of pieces of bread, tortilla chips, and baby crackers. And sighed.

Out loud I said, mostly to myself...though also partly to my hubby in the next room, "Why doesn't a house just stay clean? It would be nice. Why does it need to be cleaned every day, needy little thing?"

I took the broom out of the closet and began to sweep. And as if talking to oneself wasn't bad enough...I also answered myself out loud. "I suppose a clean house means no busy, happy kids...no beautiful babies eating and playing and keeping me busy. And if I had to choose, I would definitely choose my beautiful babies and a messy house over no babies and a clean one. Definitely."

I noticed, then, my almost-2-and-much-too-grown-up Baby-Rae standing in the doorway, watching me sweep and listening to me monologue...to which she started clapping and saying "g'dob, g'dob!" (good job, good job)!

I laughed out loud,
scooped her up,
and thanked her for the vote of confidence.