Admitting Surprises.

Sometimes my life surprises me.
But not in the sense of being surprised by unexpected things; Lately, Life has been surprising me with everyday, ordinary, been-happening-all-long things.

Like how, suddenly, Baby-Rae no longer says "baba" as a multipurpose word for grandma and grandpa. Now it's gamma and gampa. She's supposed to grow up...why is it such a shock when it happens?

And how I was thinking about buying a house someday...and how it would be nice if we could move into a teensy, super-cheap place for a little while to save up more money...like our friends who have a little baby. But how that would not really work for us because there's more than 2 1/2 of us...and for some reason, it was a slightly jolting realization that I don't just have one little baby...I have two kids. TWO kids! How'd I get here already?

Sometimes, all of the sudden, I realize that I'm here, smack-dab in the middle of my life...
...and I'm surprised.

Maybe I just forget to stop and savour.
I feel like every day, I am immersed---up to my eyeballs and wading armpit-deep---in the waking up, the getting breakfast, the getting ready, the not-too-much-TV, the how-can-I-save-more-money?, the going-to-play-outside, the get lunch ready, the nap times, the laundry, the switching laundry, the folding laundry, the dishes, the keep-my-house-clean, the wading through toys covering the floor, the what's-for-dinner, the dinner prep while dealing with cranky babies, the greet-hubby-cheerfully, the make-hubby-feel-loved-and-appreciated-while-just-wanting-a-break, the cleaning up, the baby-feeding, the baths, the books, the hugs, the kisses, the prayers, the goodnights, the house-tidying, the showering, the grocery-shopping, the everything.

I was telling D-Hubby the other day that I really need to change something...I feel like my mind is so buried in the mundane, in the tasks, the doing, of my every-days...that I'm forgetting how to think higher, and holier...forgetting how to let my mind dwell on ideas and ponder mysteries, to consider great people and evaluate my direction.
I'm so busy focusing on where my feet are stepping, that I'm about to run into something; I'm losing the big picture.

I have a sneaking suspicion what might help. I've kind of been in denial about it, actually.

(deeeeeeeeeeep brrrrrreeeeath......)
I need to wake up before my kids.
ACK. I said it out loud. Or typed it out loud. Whatever.

I've long suspected it...even experienced it, once, for a while when I had an early-morning paper route.
But I REALLY like my sleep. Especially when babies don't let me get very much of it. And especially when I'm staying up way too late for the hour at which they wake me each morning. I've tried really hard to convince myself that it's not really important to me, and that I don't really need that time...naaaah....

But I do. I need some quiet time before the day comes bouncing to a start in the form of jammies and messy pigtails. I need time to wake-up, to sip my lemon tea, to fill my heart and my mind with higher and holier things...and with enough calm to really let it sink in...so that it doesn't get chased out quite as easily; and I need just a minute or two to make sure I've got my mind wrapped around the day ahead. The times when I've had this, I've been able to greet my bleary-eyed babies, fresh from dreams, with a smile on my face...not a pillow over my head.

And if I had that little space of time... maybe my life wouldn't keep surprising me with things I should know already... if I took a few moments to really dwell on them...to roll them around in my head and taste them on my tongue. To mentally stop the tide for just a few minutes...to hold the realities of my life with both hands and stare them in the face...and revel in them...or tell them that they stink...and learn to love them anyways.

So starts an experiment week in this house of mine. My kids usually wake up around 7. I'm going to wake up at 6:30. Which means I'm also going to bed before 10:30...which will be a major feat in itself. Ha.

I may post progress...or just an overall review at the end of the week, we'll see.
Hey! I just made an extra half-hour in my day! I could totally have more time to blog!...uhhh...maybe. If I'm not taking nice loooong naps as a result...