On Real Beauty

  

“Let the sisters take care of themselves, and make themselves beautiful, 

and if any of you are so superstitious and ignorant as to say that this is pride, 

I can say that you are not informed as the pride which is sinful before the Lord, you are also ignorant as to the excellency of the heavens, and of the beauty which dwells in the society of the Gods.   

Were you to see an angel, you would see a beautiful and lovely creature.  

 Make yourselves like angels 

in goodness 

and beauty.”

-Brigham Young

I read this quote a few years ago and have been scouring the earth for it ever since. I'm so glad I've finally found it!

I think often about beauty.
I take great joy in things that are beautiful in appearance, and delight in things that are visually and esthetically lovely. I love art. I love theatre. I love home decor. I love beautiful food! And for the most part I can feel when it crosses the line into vanity, or valuing the appearance of something over its innate worth...(focusing so much on the appearance of my home, for example, that it feels empty of the sustaining influence of the Spirit). For the most part.

Becoming a wife has been an interesting journey. Bear with me as I explain why.

I feel very strongly about the innate and inherent beauty of women and their great, individual value to the Lord. And I feel that there is so much opposition to that truth. There is voice after voice that tells women their real power lies in their ability to seduce, encouraging them to reduce themselves to something empty and conniving, and treat the gift of their bodies as something cheap and uncherished. There are the voices that whisper half-truths...like... you are beautiful..."if you..."....and you are misunderstood...so be rude, bitter, abrasive...and you are smart and strong...so seek your praise and validation from the world around you...and you are equal in value to men...so act the SAME as them...and you are naturally tender and caring...but hide it because it makes you look weak.

I hate it.

Because I feel so strongly about it, I have a tendency to swing the other direction....and dig my heels in---to the point of ranting and all-out stubborness---when it comes to anything that vaguely resembles any of those and the various other messages that the Adversary is slinging.

Case in point: being a good wife.

At the risk of sounding like I'm generalizing, I've learned that men are just different than women.

Gee, thanks, Captain Obvious.

I mean, I knew that...my dad would always remind us girls when we were growing up so we knew the importance of dressing modestly. But I think I always just thought it was unfortunate that it was so important to guys to be visually attracted to a gal. I thought it was something that needed to be fixed, and made them...less than women somehow...Oh those poor, shallow creatures...

And so....with every gentle (...and not-so-gentle) reminder that D-Hubby would send my way about how much he appreciated when I looked...put-together...it would just make me angry. He'd get an earful, a heated tirade about appreciating my inner beauty, and a sulky wife who was more determined than ever to wear yoga pants and day-old makeup the next day just to teach him a lesson. Take that, problematic visual attraction!

It's taken me a while to understand. And while I still think there's a fine line between appreciating someone's physical beauty...and worshiping it, or making it paramount to the beauty of their heart...I think I was missing the boat somewhere. Because those men of ours are different for a reason. And yes, that comes with its own challenges...but we're supposed to be different. Those differences are to be celebrated, even.

And I think that's where this quote by Brigham Young just states it perfectly:
The goodness and the beauty of angels.

Soft...gentle...clean...modest...light...happy...holy...kind...healthy...whole...radiant.

I think that's where the truth is, the happy medium, the place where the importance of inner beauty and appreciation for outward beauty can co-exist perfectly. For women, it's up to us to take care of ourselves, make ourselves beautiful like the angels. For men, it's up to them to learn to value that beauty: true beauty. 

And just like they shouldn't ask us to minimize our value by dressing like hoochies (who says hoochies?)...we shouldn't expect them to find greasy hair, hairy legs, a foul mouth, and a bad attitude attractive. We can each only do our own job, and the result is perfect love and appreciation for each other...and our differences.

In light of this lesson I've learned, I'm going to go straighten my hair with the last of the babies' nap time.
Because D-Hubby thinks it's a pretty change every once in a while.
Because I couldn't care less.
Because both are okay.