Shout Out to the Mama and the Papa.

Marriage has taught me a lot of things. (So far.)

Like how to hold my tongue, for example. And how to apologize when I don't hold my tongue. And learning when it's okay to just say it. Gently, of course. 

Being married has also made me realize a lot of things about my own parents' marriage, the kinds of things that you don't really notice until you're in the same-ish boat. And noticing those things has taught me even more about how to go about this marriage thing, thanks to their excellent example.

Here's my biggest realization so far:
I've learned that my dad's not perfect, even though my mom always talked about him like he was.

Shocking, I know.
Now, let me explain.

From a very young age, I remember my mom often saying "When you're looking for someone to marry, find someone like your dad." When she would talk about their marriage, she almost always spoke about my dad in glowing terms, particularly praising his maturity in communication and problem-solving and his supportive-ness. It was clear that she thought very highly of him. And growing up, I just thought of him the same way because clearly he must have been all that and a bag of chips.

My mom said so, after all.

Now, on some level, I should have realized he may not have been perfect all the time. I watched my mom get frustrated with him (being the oldest child, I got to see more of the evolution of my parents' relationship than the rest of the kids, I think) and that they would have their disagreements (behind closed doors, of course...and no, I didn't spy by listening through the door....all the time...) but I just kind of assumed my dad had a good explanation and that my mom was just being ridiculous. My mom never tried to change my mind. She seemed to be okay with letting me think that. Or maybe she just didn't know I thought that.

Although I'm almost postitive she did; I'm pretty sure moms can read minds, especially my mom.
(I'm still waiting to be bestowed with this gift...)

After being married, I've realized that my dad is just as great of a husband as she thought he was. And that he isn't as great as I thought he was, because I didn't really understand why he was actually great.
I thought it was because he was perfect. She knew he wasn't. But she talked about his greatness, and left his weaknesses for me to discover on my own, when I was mature enough to look on those weaknesses with understanding and compassion instead of the disdain and anger that my mom and her weaknesses had to suffer (more than I care to admit) as a result of my teenage arrogance and ignorance. It allowed me to love and respect my father greatly growing up, to listen to him and his counsel when I wouldn't listen to anyone else.

(I was SUCH a brat.)

Now I know why my dad is so great; it's not because he was perfect, but because he did a really good job of working at being a great husband and father. He really is the ultimate example of both those titles. Whenever I was mad and letting loose on my mom, he would be quick to say, "don't talk to my girlfriend like that!" which usually diffused the situation as my mom or someone else giggled and I rolled my eyes. So silly.

Being married has let me see some of the ways he might have had his share of being ridiculous when it came to their relationship, too, things I might not have noticed before...but really, it's all just given me a greater appreciation for both of those great people I call my parents.
Both my mom and my dad have set the bar high when it comes to how to treat your spouse. And I'm only hoping that I can live up to the example they've set....somehow.

Until then, I'm still trying really hard to train that tongue of mine.


New year's resolution number two hundred and fifty-three: Increase my self-control...